sailordraco (sailordraco) wrote,

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Revision: Conflicting Loyalties

I'm in the process of revising Conflicting Loyalties. I'm try to work out a firm timeline of when the story takes place in connection with the timeline of the manga.  Digging around, I found a similar one part story I had started based on the same idea. I originally published it under the penname Anomally on I like that story much better then my first chapter of Conflicting Loyalties. So I've put my first one shot attempt in place of the 1st chapter. I've also renamed the series "Stained Dreams."

Here's the revised 1st chapter:

She laid out her kimono carefully, smoothing the fabric. Her eyes drifted to the vase of Casablanca Lilies on her desk. Her heart began to beat rapidly in her ears as her mind fought her emotion. She tried to force the emotions away, tried to ignore them. They danced to the surface, refusing to leave her alone, haunting her with their intense fire. Opposite emotions battled inside her.

She had dreams, so many dreams. She had wanted to become a Shinto priestess, was connected to her religion and sought to deepen that connection. It was her gift, her passion. She never wanted anything more. She always thought that was her path. Then she had become a sailor senshi... the battles played through her mind, the dangers they had faced together, the number of times she had died and the number of times she had come close to death’s doorway. How many more times would she face the destruction of her body? How many times would she risk it all? She loved her friends dearly, and would defend them until the end. However, there was something in her that wanted more... more then even her childhood self had dreamed.

She never thought of herself as one of those silly girls focusing all their time and energy on boys, on finding the right husband and being a good wife. That life never was for her. Yet she couldn’t help feeling a wanting... a wanting for something more in her life. She never expected to experience love but it had found her anyway. She never expected her heart to ache for the sight and touch of one person, to want to be in their presence, to want to see that brilliant smile. She had tried to ignore it, but the more she pushed the more determined he became. That light in his eyes, the genuine emotion in his voice. He wanted to love her, wanted to protect her, and she kept pushing him away. And still he stayed.

How much longer? How much longer would he stay despite her cold demeanor, despite her denials of feelings for him? She couldn’t hide it anymore, she did love him. She did not know how she fell in love, but she did. The question was how much longer would he wait? No, she thought.

The question is how could I? How could I possibly have a life with him? He could never protect me and my life is so dangerous... I would rather push him away then see him dead by the hand of my enemies trying to get too me.

The family life was never for her. What would this love blossom into? Could she survive any longer without it?

A tear freed itself from her soul and danced down her skin, landing on the kimono. She stepped back, staring at the darkened spot on the silk, then returning her gaze to the flowers. She hugged herself, holding herself tightly. She couldn’t have him... Loving him could lead to his death. Would he even be able to deal with the truth of who she truly was?

She never expected to find love, never wanted love. Now that it had found her, it was tearing her soul apart. How could she? How could she expose him to the danger of her life? At least Usagi’s love had some means of defending himself, was part of their strange past.

Her own love had nothing but his human soul.

She threw the vase against the wall as her emotions turned upon themselves in her soul, threatening to tear her sanity to shreds. She backed into the wall, and slide down, sitting and rocking gently as she cried. She loved him... She couldn’t deny her soul but she feared what would happen if she admitted her love.
“Yuuichirou,” she whispered as she wept.

“Rei,” answered a voice from the doorway, chocked with emotion. She froze as that familiar voice tore at her heart. She looked at him, really looked at him, and began to weep harder. What right did she have to drag him into her hazardous life?

“Rei,” he breathed with worry as he quickly came to her side.

“Go away,” she whispered through nearly clenched teeth as the tears consumed her.

“No,” he breathed, taking her into his arms. She cried softly on his shoulder as he rocked her back and forth, comforting her. He kissed her raven locks. When her crying stilled he turned her alabaster face to his and looked deep into her eyes, as if searching her soul.

“Why can’t you say it Rei?” he asked. “What would be so horrible about admitting it? I love you Rei. Nothing will ever change that.”

“I have no right to love you,” she pleaded, trying to make him understand. She wanted to fall into those eyes, but she tried to hold strong.

“Why not?” he pleaded.

“You don’t know, Yuuichirou... There’s a part of my life I keep secret. It’s dangerous and you can’t protect me from it. I don’t want you killed because of me.”

“Killed?” he asked worriedly. He searched her face, trying to read the secrets of her soul. “Rei, there isn’t anything you could tell me that would turn me away from you. I would rather die from loving you then to never know your love at all.”

“Yuuichirou,” she whispered, embracing him tightly. She allowed him to be the anchor she desperately wanted but never allowed herself to have. In the storm of her emotions, she allowed him to be her guiding light. “You’ll change your mind when you find out. You’ll leave me after you learn the truth... when you witness what I am.”

“Rei,” he said exasperated.

“I...I love you, Yuuichirou,” she finally said.

His body stilled against hers, the only sound filling the room was their breathing echoing each other. He turned his eyes back to hers, and kissed her. Surprise filled her as those lips pressed against hers deeply, speaking volumes of his feelings for her. She returned the kiss, letting herself fall into what she feared most... The most tragic and consuming emotion known as love. She gave herself to the admission of her love, and in that time felt an euphoria she had never known before. No matter what came to pass in the days ahead, she would have this memory, cherish the feel of his lips upon hers in the admission of their love.

Tags: 2009, canon, conflicting loyalties, rei & yuuichirou, revision, stained dreams
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